Guide
Am I making someone else's situation about me
A guide to noticing when your reaction to someone else's news, loss, or moment has shifted into a frame that centres you more than the situation needs.
Caring and centring yourself are different things
The question is not whether you feel something. The question is whether the version you are about to express is primarily useful to the person affected or primarily about being seen to feel it. Public posts, lengthy personal reflections, and unsolicited updates from people the affected person did not tell all tend to shift the frame.
Low involvement is the clearest signal
The further you are from the actual situation — a loose mutual connection rather than a close friend, a second-hand account rather than a direct one — the more your public reaction is about your relationship to the story rather than the person inside it.
A quieter version is almost always available
Direct private support, shared useful information, or simply leaving the moment alone are all lower-risk alternatives. The Main Character Risk Calculator checks whether your current version is centring you — not whether support is appropriate. If it is, there is usually a less visible way to offer it.