How to recognise relationship red flags without catastrophising every argument

Conflict is normal; persistent anxiety is not

All relationships have disagreements. The question is whether you feel safe bringing them up, whether responsibility is shared when things go wrong, and whether you generally feel free to be yourself outside the relationship as well as inside it. Feeling persistently anxious, restricted, or unheard across a range of situations is worth taking seriously.

Controlling behaviour and stonewalling are distinct warning signs

Controlling behaviour — monitoring your movements, restricting friendships, using money or criticism to limit independence — is different from ordinary couple disagreements. Stonewalling, used repeatedly as a way to avoid resolution rather than as a brief pause to cool down, can indicate a pattern of emotional withdrawal that damages trust over time.

This tool is a reflection prompt, not a verdict

A low score is a signal to reflect or seek support, not a clinical diagnosis. If any part of the situation feels unsafe, please reach out to a qualified person rather than a structured self-assessment. In the UK, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) is free and confidential.